Something I read on Tumblr recently put a wasp up my butt. I’m not going to link to the post, partly because I think this person already has enough to deal with, but also because this post isn’t meant as a criticism, just a rumination on the dynamics of abuse and a few comments on this person’s situation specifically.
The Tumblr post in question was a (pretty good actually) spell to stop people from being able to read tarot about you without your consent.
The spell itself isn’t the issue, and it’s too early in the bloody morning to get into a discussion about the ethics of reading for others without their consent or whether it’s even possible or whatever (for what it’s worth, I do think you can, and that you generally shouldn’t).
What caught my attention (and sent the wasp up my butt) (“bee in the bonnet” seemed too polite) was the situation that led to the creation of the spell. Basically, the person ran into their emotionally and spiritually abusive ex at a market, and the ex commented that they still read the Tumblr person’s tarot cards and what a “surprise” it was to see them there.
The Tumblr person also said that in the past, their ex had used the tarot to control and manipulate them.
It made me kinda sad to see the elaborate spell this person posted to stop their ex from prying into their affairs because it meant that the ex-had achieved exactly what they’d hoped to do when they uttered those words: fear, control, and manipulation. In setting up the spell, I personally believe this Tumblr person was giving their ex even more of their power because it showed that on whatever level, they still believed this person held power over them.
Let’s be clear (or as clear as one can be, operating on limited information): the ex was lying. I wouldn’t put it past someone like that to sniffle out someone’s location using mundane means, but tarot as much pointed them to that market than it launched the moon mission. Consider this a reminder that abusive people lie. They lie to you, they lie about you. They manipulate you into lying to yourself, about them. They are always at the centre of a conspiracy of lies and half-truths, like a spider plucking the strings of a web.
It makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel in control.
The thing is, once you start catching them out in their lies, once you become aware of what they are, it’s remarkably easy to unravel their web. It often doesn’t feel easy, it feels terrible. (I’m writing this out of personal experience by the way.) But their “control” is easy to dismantle when you stop believing that they have any or are allowed any.
Consciously untangling yourself from an abusive person’s lies, while hard and painful (and daily) work is, I think, more effective in the long-term than trying to hide from their “all-seeing” eye (which, emphatically, they do not have).